My friend called me for advice, I am all out of solutions, what should I tell her?
February 122010
My friend just got out of an abuseive marriage (verbal, mental and physically abusive). The ex refused to leave and the police would not enforce it b/c she let him come back. I work in the ER so I sent her to the womens shelter that we refer domestic violence victims to. Needless to say a court order and the sherriff gladly came to the house and removed the jerk even though he still refused to leave. A couple of weeks later my friend met a guy on the internet, long sotry short..he relocated him self to her house she shares w/ her children and is worse than the ex husband ever was and refuses to leave. The friend is scarred of him and he is unwilling to leave. My frineds say walk away, if he kills her maybe she will learn a lesson. The friend wants this guy to leave and cannot call the police again with this mess. My friend called asking of ways to get him gone and her change her number, I am shocked it happened again and don’t know what I should say and if it can be said kindly, help!
Gosh what her children must be going through needless to say her. But of course now she is choosing her own mess. However, does she own or rent? If she rents, I would tell her to leave. Go to a shelter and leave the bum there. Call the landlord and have him remove him if he is not on the lease. Or call the police again, I really don’t understand why she coulden’t other than the fact of embarrasment which I can understand somewhat but if you are afraid and your children are there do what you have to. If he is hitting her or something go to court and get a restraining order. If she does not have alot of money most courts will issue at a reduced or free charge. Hopefully she also can get some counseling. She needs to spend some time alone (manless) and find herself. Find that she is able to survive without a man and she is strong enough physically, emotionally, mentally. She otherwise probably will continue to make this mistake over and over. Her children will suffer the most. Good luck to you and her. PS if she neglects to take your advise. I would move on like your other friends suggest. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.
February 12th, 2010 at 6:43 am
well she made her own bed maybe she needs to learn not to just take anyone to live in her home she just met
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February 12th, 2010 at 7:01 am
i think YOU SHOULD CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if any body is being physically tortered then reprot it!!!!!!!!
your friend with thank you later.
Also if you dont report it then i think you are sort of part of the abusive torture
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February 12th, 2010 at 7:24 am
say him that you have devloped and sTD or herpes …
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February 12th, 2010 at 7:38 am
well first TELL HER TO CALL THE POLICE AGAIN !
that’s what they’re there for, duh !
and listen, angel of mercy
that friend of yours has problems with guys, so the best thing to do is actually help her KNOW MORE about guys and how to pick the right ones up and not to just settle for crap
that’s the BEST thing you can do to help her, you might even learn a thing or two in the process !, how bout that ?!
there’s lotta stuff that helps women get better with guys, i know a few
BUT FIRST : call the cops and tell her to file a restraining order if he comes nearer. oh and tell her to GROW SOME BALLS AND DON"T TAKE SHIT SHE DOESN"T NEED FROM OTHERS
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February 12th, 2010 at 7:52 am
Your friend is caught up in the cycle of abusive relationships. Sadly this happens way too often. You can’t do anything. She needs counselling to lift her self-esteem so that she does not keep falling for these abusive men. This is something that only she can learn and it might need a crises for her to take this step. I really feel for you. There is nothing more desperate than watching someone you care about making bad decisions.
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February 12th, 2010 at 8:24 am
It sounds like she needs to plan away to move while he is at work or have a group of relatives & friends come over to help her. I am sure that punk won’t try a thing knowing he’ll get the crap beat out of him. She can also have the police in her home while she moves her belongings. I suggest she moves away and make sure only family knows of her new location so that that jerk will stay out of her life for good.
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February 12th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Gosh what her children must be going through needless to say her. But of course now she is choosing her own mess. However, does she own or rent? If she rents, I would tell her to leave. Go to a shelter and leave the bum there. Call the landlord and have him remove him if he is not on the lease. Or call the police again, I really don’t understand why she coulden’t other than the fact of embarrasment which I can understand somewhat but if you are afraid and your children are there do what you have to. If he is hitting her or something go to court and get a restraining order. If she does not have alot of money most courts will issue at a reduced or free charge. Hopefully she also can get some counseling. She needs to spend some time alone (manless) and find herself. Find that she is able to survive without a man and she is strong enough physically, emotionally, mentally. She otherwise probably will continue to make this mistake over and over. Her children will suffer the most. Good luck to you and her. PS if she neglects to take your advise. I would move on like your other friends suggest. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.
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February 12th, 2010 at 8:52 am
I think Ahmed has it right.
1st call the police
2nd educate her.
If she survives this, she will need to learn to ’see the signs’ – before it will really be too late.
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February 12th, 2010 at 9:21 am
it all depends on you…meaning…, obviously she feeds off of being a victim…shes cried wolf once, then TWO weeks later…again?….you already know what shes about now. unless you are really lonely, or feel spiritually compelled to help her…(good luck on that)…then dont worry about someone elses problems. go live you’re life…you’re life…you,,you…you will always meet a dramatic idiot…..that sucks you’re energy…blow her off nicely….suddenly be "busy"….bye…shes flaky…you cant come out of a damaging abusive relationship..and bouce back in 2 weeks…shes being shallow…
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February 12th, 2010 at 10:01 am
It doesn’t matter to me if she had called the authorities before, she can still call again. Thats what police officers do. To protect and serve. Besides, It is her place not his and its your tax dollars that pay them. She can also change the locks and get a restraining order. Oh and also change her number too.
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February 12th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Tell her to call the police, and stop picking up strays. She really needs to look at what she finds so attractive about these guys, and why.
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