Family court custody question I had already posted this question but I guess I didnt put enough info, plz help
March 22010
ALL OF THIS WAS ALREADY POSTED BUT THERE IS NEW INFO AT THE BOTTOM
I STAY IN LANSING, MICHIGAN
I am 14 years old and have a sister who is 9 years old. My dad is slowly about to die really soon and he is not my biological father and he never adopted me but he is my little sister’s biological father. What I want to know is at what age could I try to see about moving out of my mother’s house or could I even try to move out and take care of my sister. What steps would I have to follow in order to do that? My mom has a past record of Prostitution, driving while intoxicated, domestic violence, and maybe drug possession I feel very strongly that when my dad passes she will go back to that lifestyle she already speaks about going back and doing things from her past or that she would like to commit suicide. She is a alcoholic and has already started using drugs again every once in a while, she is very emotional and short tempered and can sometime become some what abusive and take things out on me and my younger sister as well as my dad. My family would not take us in if something were to happen because of past arguments between my mother and family and because they are races against blacks. And my mom is not capable of taking care of us she has never had a job and has relied on my dad for the last 13 or 14 years. And far as my biological dad he is in prison I don’t want me and my sister to be places in foster care so I have never spoke up about any of the problems going on in my home. I just really need to know what age at the youngest could I try to move out and keep my sister with me. I have already looked into places and some what figured out the cost of living In some area’s and this is what I came up with ……..
Rent $390, Bus fair $70 monthly includes me and my sister, Electric $25- $50, Food $200 that’s with budget and cooking foods that last, personal & household items $200, all the total of $910.00 plus maybe a little more. I also know I need to keep extra money incase of emergency. If a can get these two jobs this is the pay I would have.
8am – 4pm at 4.75 a hour 7 days a week
38 a day
266 a week
798 for 3 weeks
1,064 for 4 weeks
computer center 5pm- 8pm 5.85 a hour 5 days a week
17.55 a day
87.75 a week
263.25 for 3 weeks
351.00 for 4 weeks
This is my total I come up with for both jobs together.
adding 3 weeks
798.00
263.25
is 1061.25
left is 151.25
adding 4 weeks
1,064.00
351.00
is 1415.00
left is 505.00
If you haven’t noticed I am really serious about this. And as for school I will continue with school online and my sister could still go to school and then during the day be with me at the computer center while she does her homework and when I get out of work we would be home together.
NEW INFO POSTED AFTER ORIGINAL QUESTION
I guess I might not have made it very clear and I apologize for any confusion but no there is nobody else in my family who I could turn to. My mother had to give up two kids before me and my sister and they both live with other people in my family but because of that situation my mom had problems with other family members and chased them all away and its to the point where even though my older sisters are still in my family we can no longer see them and the rest think me and my little sister are a bad influence and have no respect because of the way are mother acts, which by the way I dislike very much cause I am nothing like my parents. But the only people in our family who would speak to us were my grandparents and my grandfather died in 04 and my grandmother just passed in June of 07.
There use to be one person “My Cousin” she is 22 years old and she stills wants to get custody of me but because of some legal issue’s she might not be able to. See my birthday just passed and in July I completely lost it for a second because of the fact my grandmother had just passed and my dad is dieing and my mother is slowly killing herself as well. So I ended up drinking some alcohol at my cousin’s house while my cousin was in the bathroom and I drank so much in such short time that I had actually drunk myself into a coma. I still have yet to deal with that whole court issue because its not coming up until the 17th of this month so I have no idea what they will say as far as my cousin but she has been the only one who looks after me and helps me. She had got 2 beds one for me and another for my sister and got clothes and other personal items for us. We would stay with her for most of the summer and during the weekends while there was school. But now since this happened my mom has not let me have any contact with her and blames her for my actions when I take full responsibility because I know I was in the wrong.
Well you have many many options. I grew up with a mother like yours that didnt really pay any attention to me due to drinking and drugs but there is hope.! First off your mom may be upset with you, but one thing you could do is call your local hospital and see what you need to do about getting your mom committed to a mental health ward. I work at one of those now and its not all mental health people, that are a lot of people that are there with an addictions as well. Maybe if you can get her to go there and get help and complete treatment and she can see what she is doing to your family maybe she can change and things can be different in the long run. ( You would just need to tell the hospital/dr that she has made comments about being suicidal, and has addictions to drinking/drugs. As far as living with your cousin that would have to go through the courts, but every state is different and every state has different rules. If you were to call DHS and explain your situation they could help you. I know lots of people are scared about going into foster homes and having to change there whole life, But honestly think about it.. It would give you someone to give you the things you need to leave and let you be the kid you are ( young adult) I know its hard considering you have taken care of yourself for some part of your life but honestly its the best thing to do. I didnt do that I took the other path and started working and tried to stay out of the foster business and now i am 23 yrs old and im exhausted. I have worked and worked and worked, completed hs and have had 3 jobs at once most of my life. at your age you dont want to start living life as an adult it will hurt you in the long run. You can also call, churches, or shelters and stay there, As of know if you left home without permission you would be considered a run away. I am not sure were you live but the streets would not be giving you the life you deserve. My honest answer is to seek help from the people and resources you have to use around you. Check into DHS, and your local hospital. And or just ask a councelor at your school. I know this is a scary time for you and your sisters, but dont bring yourself down. Be a role model for your sister and point her in the right direction. And as far as the drinking. Try as hard as you can not to go down that path, You see what kind of life you have from your mothers drinking and what it has done to her, Dont do it to yourself your way better then that.
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:11 pm
oh hon.. i’m so sorry you are in this situation.
your mom sounds as if she has addiction and perhaps mental illness problems.. it’s not her fault, but it IS her fault she has not gotten proper therapy or help.
you are actually too young to work a regular job… you have to be a few years older to do that.. it’s a very brave and mature thing for you to want to take care of your 9 year old sister, as well.
it wasn’t your cousin’s fault you got into the alcohol, was it? perhaps you still have the option of staying with your cousin when it’s all said and done.
otherwise, i hope that you and your sister will find a safe, comfortable place to be.
i’m sorry to hear of your losses, as well, and that your step father is dying.
i’m sending hugs and all best wishes.
PLEASE talk to your school’s counselor or a teacher you trust.
And, Is there another adult you trust and respect? Maybe someone who lives near you and knows you and your situation, would be better equipped to give you suggestions for help.
sending lots of love…
References :
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:33 pm
wow.
I know little about the court system other then basics but i do know that you CAN get a trusted adult friend even friends parents to go to the court and put forth presentable case to get custody of you and you sister. other then that the only other option for you two is foster care or your mom putting you guys up for adoption, unless you have anypart of your dads family that could take you in. Im 14 too and struggling with parents divorcing but my mom isnt like that.
References :
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Well you have many many options. I grew up with a mother like yours that didnt really pay any attention to me due to drinking and drugs but there is hope.! First off your mom may be upset with you, but one thing you could do is call your local hospital and see what you need to do about getting your mom committed to a mental health ward. I work at one of those now and its not all mental health people, that are a lot of people that are there with an addictions as well. Maybe if you can get her to go there and get help and complete treatment and she can see what she is doing to your family maybe she can change and things can be different in the long run. ( You would just need to tell the hospital/dr that she has made comments about being suicidal, and has addictions to drinking/drugs. As far as living with your cousin that would have to go through the courts, but every state is different and every state has different rules. If you were to call DHS and explain your situation they could help you. I know lots of people are scared about going into foster homes and having to change there whole life, But honestly think about it.. It would give you someone to give you the things you need to leave and let you be the kid you are ( young adult) I know its hard considering you have taken care of yourself for some part of your life but honestly its the best thing to do. I didnt do that I took the other path and started working and tried to stay out of the foster business and now i am 23 yrs old and im exhausted. I have worked and worked and worked, completed hs and have had 3 jobs at once most of my life. at your age you dont want to start living life as an adult it will hurt you in the long run. You can also call, churches, or shelters and stay there, As of know if you left home without permission you would be considered a run away. I am not sure were you live but the streets would not be giving you the life you deserve. My honest answer is to seek help from the people and resources you have to use around you. Check into DHS, and your local hospital. And or just ask a councelor at your school. I know this is a scary time for you and your sisters, but dont bring yourself down. Be a role model for your sister and point her in the right direction. And as far as the drinking. Try as hard as you can not to go down that path, You see what kind of life you have from your mothers drinking and what it has done to her, Dont do it to yourself your way better then that.
References :