My mother and I (a girl) experience domestic violence from my father. When he’s normal, he’s nice. When we fight, he pulls our hair and throws us around by our hair. It’s been going on since I was born 16 years ago. Recently, after a verbal attack on him by my mother, he got up and chased her – I intervened and he ran to the kitchen, CHOSE THE BIGGEST KNIFE AND CHASED ME INTO THE BEDROOM WITH A MURDEROUS FACE. I locked the door before he could get in but I thought I was going to die by his hand.
Mum hasn’t divorced him because essentially he’s unable to function in an English-speaking society – Australia, (mum learnt English here fine, she thought he could too) despite my parents being here for 18 years from China. Our family has no support network and we can’t make a public spectacle of ourselves. My parents’ only friends are relatives here who know but don’t offer any real assistance. I have no idea how we can continue living like this, please help.
The worst part is that he has never apologised or promised that things will change. He has NOT felt any regret and has NOT said sorry EVER – because he believes that what he does to us isn’t called hitting – because he hasn’t technically thrown a punch. My mother and I say it is – it’s physically harming. This is why I can’t tell anyone – because no one BELIEVES US.
What’s going to happen when the police come? He has no money whatsoever, not even enough to buy a week’s worth of food, much less rent a hotel room or anything. We will have to take care of him till he dies no matter what – his brothers don’t give a **** about him because they know once they let him into their lives, he will never leave.
Also, respect for your elders is paramount in Chinese culture – for some reason I am expected to just accept this. It’s different. Your elders are always right even when they are wrong. People joke about hitting your jokes in Chinese sitcoms! There was this scene where a kid failed a test and his mother was chasing him around with a frying pan and there was canned laughter in the background!
‘m a scared teenage girl living under the rule of a cruel and unreasonable father – I have never told anyone close to me who doesn’t already know about this because they wouldn’t understand, if you think it’s so easy to escape from such terror in your own household, you obviously have never been through anything like this – a situation like this. Please don’t insult my culture – 4000 years of rules and how to be is not easily changed and broken with a simple ‘that’s enough’. The one time I do tell people, they throw it in my face saying I am a coward – if I am, don’t I have every right to be? But I am not a coward – I tell him when he is wrong, I stand up to him when he hits my mother and I refuse to back down. We threaten him with everything legal, but what does it matter to him? He’s lost everything he has ever had – a career, a reputation, friends, the love of his family, his body and has absolutely nothing left to gain.
left to lose*
It’s not like I’m a fully legal adult with the choice to leave home – I’m stuck here for another 2 years. These past 2 years are when I have actually stood up to him, I have already reiterated how he is totally unreasonable, plus he is a grown man of 5′11 and I am a teenage girl of 5′5 – how could I possibly hope to beat him in a physical fight?
Im in Australia and I believe you! Why do you think no one else will? Domestic violence is illegal here, ALL domestic violence. Your father, if your migration to Australia was legal and he has permanant residency, has access to all of the usual government assistance.
You and your Mum need to leave, and you need to take an AVO (apprehended violence order) out on your father so that he stays away. What your dad is doing to you and your mum is wrong and you need to put a stop to it. It matters not at all what culture your parents are from, you live in Australia and that means living by our laws. Those laws say that what your father does to you both is wrong. If you want to talk, email me via my profile page.
ETA for OP: You CAN leave sweetie, not saying that it would be easy, I know that its not….but you have the right and the need for a safe environment and here in Australia that IS your legal right.